Well, it’s been an extended period of silence, I know.
I’ve just not felt like blogging really. I’ve been making dolls and doing family stuff but not feeling like I have much to say.
Also, I have been feeling the approach of my big five-oh birthday with some dread. I know it should be celebrated – I’ve made it this far and so on. But for some reason, every time I think about it too hard, I just want to cry. I’m not really sure why.
For instance, I went into town to do a bit of pre-holiday shopping.
I wanted a plain white, long-sleeved cotton top, not too low in the neckline, to wear under a sleeveless frock. But there were none to be had, apart from one which looked as though it had recently been residing on the floor – and had given it a bit of a clean whilst it was down there.
I wanted computer paper. But the pound shop had sold out and everywhere else seemed stupidly expensive.
I wanted deodorant (oh, the glamour of my shopping list!) but I could find only flavours that bring me out in a rash. And I wanted shower gel, but they didn’t have any small bottles, just mega-sized ones. My feet hurt. I wanted to cry.
So I went and tried on frocks, to cheer me up, as you do.
Except it didn’t.
I felt frumpy, and old, and ended up covered in fluff from one particularly unwise choice, which shed lint all over me. I wanted to cry again. But as I was just passing Cath Kidston, I went in there for a browse instead.
One of their assistants came over to tell me about further reductions to some frocks I was idly perusing.
She was a dapper, twinkly lady, not put off by my distinctly lacklustre response. We chatted a bit. I tried on some sale frocks and she sorted me out with a discount I was unaware of being entitled to.
She was sixty-three. One of those people whose cheerfulness is utterly contagious. Her love for life spilled out of her and some of it overflowed and touched me.
And I thought, well, I don’t really have much to be so down about.
Yes, getting old is shit. There’s no other word for it. You can dress it up with terms like “experience” and “wisdom”, but really, it’s aches and pains, and lack of energy, and an increasing consciousness of the fragility and finite nature of life. Which is shit.
But that doesn’t mean I have to waste whatever life is left to me feeling shit. I will remind myself of that.
I’m going to Copenhagen for the weekend, and then off to Cornwall for a few days. That’s two things to be cheerful about right there.
I’m sure I’ll find the opportunity to wear my new frock whilst I’m away.
And when I get back, I’m going to try to banish my middle-aged blues and get on with living life to the full as a fabulous fifty year-old.
Because when it comes down to it, life is only as shit as you allow yourself to feel. ♥
You are the most fabulous 50 year old I know xx
Thanks Lou!
I’m 61… wish I could reassure you that it gets easier…but it doesn’t!
When I’m having an ‘elderly’ day I remind myself that it’s far better than the alternative. xx
That is so very true Ethel!
There must be something about being nearly 50 that makes it take over your life. And the closer it gets, the worse it gets – I’ve been feeling exactly the same, it just seems to wiggle it’s way into every thought. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that, though – not that I’m happy that you’re feeling miserable too, but it makes me think that it’s normal. Hopefully once the dreaded day is over, I can just get with being me. Only a couple of days to go now, thank goodness…
Have a lovely 50th Katherine – I hope you have something special planned and someone to spoil you rotten (which my other half is doing very well)
Thank you… I will and yes, my other half is doing a good job too. Enjoy yours!
I always think, that luckily we are all in the same boat and this boat has still a lot of sailing to do! Spread your creations over the seven seas! Enjoy your birthday! I will enjoy my 58th in a month’s time.xxx
Have a fabulous 58th Suleika!
I confess I enjoyed my 50th birthday, life was good right about then. It all went to hell in a handbasket the following year when my then partner dumped me and 8 months later I lost my job and discovered I’d got cancer. But then I got better, and met the Husband, and got married, and now the only miserable things about being in my mid-50s are arthritis and that I no longer have any sort of waist. I go straight up and down, and not one single dress pattern out there is suitable for my shape. Take heart, things do get better!
Very glad to hear it. But I’m sorry to hear that you had to go through such a bad time to get there. I no longer have a waist either. And because my feet hurt almost constantly, I am put off exercising (which I’ve never been especially keen on anyway.) But after our trips I am determined to sort myself out and regain some motivation, rather than allowing myself to slip into the mire of old age just yet!
Your blog rang so many bells with me. I’m not far off 60 now and there are days I certainly look and feel it. I’ve noticed I’ve started to make that ‘older persons’ groan when I sit down (actually when I stand up as well). I hope you have a marvellous birthday and a brilliant 50th year. My family made me celebrate mine😀 and I think I’d have been happier letting the day pass like any other
I’m certainly not one for a massive raucous party, but a reason to indulge in things you enjoy and be spoiled should always be capitalised on, I feel. So a spot of travel, some fancy dining and a new frock will do me just fine. I think you should decide what you really like (not what your family think you should like!) and just go for it for your 60th!
I so recognise your bad shopping experience, I think ‘bad shopping days’ are much like ‘bad hair days’ and think the only thing to be done about them is to try and remember that it’ll probably all feel different tomorrow – impossible at the time though!
But I’m entirely with Ethel – there’s no escaping the downsides of aging (I’ll be 64 on May 1st) or of ‘bad anything’ days but the alternative is definitely much less appealing! Hope you enjoy your trips and travels 🙂
Thanks Helen! Shopping in Copenhagen is a MUCH happier experience!
I hope you are having a wonderful time on your holiday! There’s something about leaving home and looking around/shopping/eating new things that gives one perspective, even if its only that you miss the familiar. Happy birthday and may this be one of the best years of your life.
Thank you! I always find your blog posts so inspiring. I somehow feel it’s OK to occasionally lose my way on the creative front or feel like I’m the years are going by far too fast (I’m 51, milestone passed!). You always seem to have something positive to add and your creations and Pinterest posts are a ray of sunshine.
Thank you Kathy! x
That’s a great choice. – I love CK dresses!