I’ve been a bit absent from my blog for a while over Christmas.

In fact, I’ve been absent from the internet almost entirely, give or take a few Instagram photos, over the entire festive season.

This would have been unthinkable to me a couple of years ago. The very idea that I would choose, of my own free will, to undergo an extended period of online silence would have made me laugh – and possibly even panic a bit.

So have I fallen out of love with blogging?

Erm… maybe just a little bit. I think when anything starts to feel like being on a treadmill, it is time to have a little break and assess what you really feel about it, preferably before actual burn-out sets in.

In the run-up to Christmas I did start to feel the strain of thinking up and fitting in blog posts. Not to mention trying to photograph things during those few-and-far-between bits of decent daylight at this time of year.

But my leave of absence has been good, really. I’ve been using my time away to connect with my family, change my routines, and basically have fun.

All things for which I do not believe anyone should ever have to apologise!

I have also been doing some thinking, as many of us do around this time, about going forward into the new year.

How do I really want to fill all that future-ness stretching out ahead?

I have been reading and soaking up all sorts of stuff about creativity recently. And thinking about how it applies to and affects me and my work.

I find my own creativity a fickle thing. Unlike when I was a child, when I never worried about when or if the muse would strike, or even what such a thing as a muse was, nowadays I have a tendency to stress about being creative.

Why should this be so? Creativity is a thing of joy, isn’t it? Something that enriches and nourishes?

Well, yes – and no.

When things just burst forth from within and have to be made/created, it is indeed a wonderful feeling. But when they don’t, or won’t, well… it’s then that the fear starts to set in.

What if I can’t do it any more? What if it’s rubbish? What if I start something, but then don’t like it, and just want to bin it? (This has indeed happened, more than once.)

I don’t yet have the answers. But I’m working on working them out, if you see what I mean.

I have decided to start keeping an Inspiration Book.

It’ll be sort of like an artists sketchbook or journal – but I don’t sketch, and I don’t want to be forced to keep it up every day.

I just want to get a handle on what’s going on with my creative urges (or blocks) and nurture that side of myself. I want to fill it gradually with stuff – thoughts, and jottings, and ideas (when I have any.)

Not for anyone else. Just for me.

Because I have realised that it is important for me to create, yet normally I put other things first.

Why do I put other things first, if creating is so important?

Because I am afraid of failure. Because I am a procrastinator. Because I’m hard on myself. Because I set myself impossible standards. Because I get tired. Because I doubt myself. Because sometimes I am lazy.

Because, because, because…

So instead of sitting and worrying, I’m going to do something. Something that I hope will help me to create more, and better work. Or to understand why, when that’s not happening, and hopefully help me do something about it.

It’s not a New Year’s Resolution. I don’t believe in those. It’s just a way into something that in recent years I seem to have been making rather a good job of avoiding.

A bit of forward thinking.

Happy New Year everyone – and may it be a wonderfully creative and productive one. ♥