Over Christmas I took a bit of a break from making and selling.
At the time I felt I deserved the break. I’d been making quite a lot, both for commissions and fairs, and was glad to have some time to kick back and relax.
But somehow, during that downtime, something sort of shifted. And ever since Christmas I’ve found it increasingly difficult to motivate myself to get back into work with any sort of enthusiasm.
I’ve been making / blogging / selling stuff for a while now. However, instead of feeling all smug and experienced and knowledgeable and happy, I seem to have lost my spark.
I have felt this way before, to lesser degrees. I have mood swings.
(It’s partly my age.)
Some call it “losing your sew-jo”. But actually, I do still want to sew. And I have lots of ideas sloshing around in my brain for creatures I want to make. But I don’t feel like doing it.
I can’t get started. I just sit there. Because I don’t have any faith in it making me a living any more.
In the past I’ve just carried on and pushed through, thinking that things will get better. And generally they do.
But not really better enough.
So in an attempt to shock my system and force me to make things better, over the last few weeks I’ve done some online business workshops, signed up for lots of business advice mail-outs, and joined the Etsy Resolution programme.
Which has made things immeasurably worse.
Why? Well, there’s nothing like seeing lots of keen newbies putting their hearts and souls into launching shops, setting up social media profiles and getting to grips with all the stuff I’ve done over the last few years, to make me wonder what the point of it all is.
Several years on from where most of those newbies are, I have small-in-the-big-scheme-of-things, but enviable-to-many numbers of followers on social media. I have worked out for myself how to take halfway-decent photos, how to find, apply for and sell at craft fairs, and taught myself any number of other things.
I have blogged. I have tweeted. I have marketed, although hopefully not in a way that I would consider to be off-puttingly pushy.
And I still don’t earn a living doing what I do.
I seem to lurch, these days, between feeling annoyed at strangers on the internet for being able to sell their (often inferior) wares when I can’t (which is just stupid!) and feeling annoyed at myself, for being so rubbish as to sit staring at Pinterest when I know I should be making things, stocking up my shop and relentlessly promoting myself to all and sundry.
It’s all very well reading about juicy goal setting, time management and SWOT analysis, but when your main weakness is a loss of belief in yourself and your business it all becomes something of a hollow exercise.
I wonder sometimes whether disillusionment and general world-weariness is seeping into every aspect of my life, fading it’s bright colours and prematurely shrivelling me up into a grumpy old woman.
I do hope not.
Perhaps it’s just a bad case of the winter blues setting in.
I’ve always felt that once basic needs (food, shelter, warmth, health, love) are met, your degree of happiness is generally mainly of your own making. So I do realise that what happens next is down to me. I need to pull myself up by my bootstraps, summon up my enthusiasm, and get to work.
But I just can’t seem to come up with a plan, or even a general idea, of what I should do next.
It feels like I am in the middle of a long hike, which whilst quite picturesque, doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
And I am without map or compass, feeling lost and confused. ♥
Sometimes change can be really scary! Maybe it is just a tweak here or letting things unfold in other ways…and we want to rush things to feel better. I asked a very kind compassionate successful older gentleman what he asked for in his prayers, what did he always include and it was asking for the power of discernment. I pray that you will have that❣
Awww Modflowers, it comes and goes with me too. When it happens to me I try not to look at what others are doing (they may not be doing as well as I think anyway! It may just look like it).
My sales are rubbish at the moment but like you I’ve done some on-line business courses to give me some direction, so I now have lots of goals!! Which in itself is quite intimidating, I’m trying to ignore the doubts I have about selling my products at a viable price and just grit my teeth and get on with it. A little bit every day, push push push – groan!
In the meantime a friend of mine is teaching me how to paint in watercolours which is just something for me – I don’t really have time for it, but I need to do it, it’s important because it is just for me, so I make time for it.
I love your products, they are fabulous!! Give yourself a big kick up the bum and get on with it! You are worth it, it is worth it – if you love it too!
Sending you a big hug and hopefully a confidence boost!! xxx
Thank you so much for that. I have given up looking at what others do – I know it’s not good for my state of mind so have opted out of a lot of the stuff I used to follow, which is good. But I need to replace it with something from me…
I think I need some external stimulation and motivation too (my partner isn’t interested in what I do) and I tend to work alone too much I think.
You say so many things here that resonate 100%! I too am reading social media marketing books, going to workshops, trying to pin my long term goals
ad nauseam…and hanging on to the belief that things will get better eventually…but they never really do get much better, and I blame myself for not working hard enough, not Tweeting the right things, whatever. I frequently am on the verge of giving up and getting a job, but I know that would make me miserable…I too have had to unfollow some people on Facebook because I couldn’t bear to see their pictures before Christmas of teetering piles of orders to take to the post office whilst I had none! I did absolutely nothing for 3 weeks over Christmas and emerged into the new year feeling a bit refreshed, determined…but it’s very hard to keep it up! I’m also very prone to mood swings which really doesn’t help – one day you feel like anything’s possible, the next you are tossed into a festering pit of despair….
I’m sorry not to be able to offer any advice or hope! I just wanted to say I get you, it is bloody hard, and I think we need to stick together too. So if you ever want to meet for a coffee and a gripe, drop me a message on Facebook 🙂 xx
Thanks Corrina x Really appreciate that. It appears I am not alone after all! xx
What a great post! It resonates hugely for me. I am sorry you are in a slump but you nail the whole feeling/situation so eloquently. No advice or pearls of wisdom/motivational inspo I’m afraid. Just a fist bump from a fellow lost person x
Hi, I saw this through a comment on fb and felt I had to comment. Having never seen your items/etsy store before I can honestly say that your items are unique and beautiful…please carry on. We have found that having a few core lines of maybe more mainstream items can really shift the balance…bags, purses, bibs…seasonal items…something that lots of people will search etsy for. Its time to find something to get excited about…it does and will happen..goodluck x
Bless you, making and selling your own work is very hard indeed and keeping the motivation up when you work alone even more so. I think its best not to look at others because believe me they may appear to be doing well but behind the scenes are feeling just the way you are. I have been running vintage and handmade fairs for the past 3 years and they are very successful now but just before Christmas we moved house to a rented cottage its a long story but I am blogging about it we have 2.5 acres with it and I have decided this year its the simple life I crave I am tired and not fed up of vintage but I realise that I need some time for me just to be. So I cancelled my events for this year feeling very guilty for my regular sellers but everyone understand and I now have a year of breathing space to live the simple life and not worry or get stressed. Vegetable growing and chickens are now on the cards and I feel like I can breath again. Maybe taking time out just so you can be yourself again will be good for you to and then I am sure your creative streak will come back when you and it are ready. Don’t beat yourself up or worry or feel guilty. Everything in life I feel is about timing and maybe its your time now to stop and have some quality time out doing something that relaxes you and brings you joy again and with that will come clarity I am sure. Take lots of care, Dee
Thank you. The thought of living in a little cottage and growing veg and raising chickens sounds very appealing right now, I must say!
Behind every etsy shop is a supportive (financially at least!) partner with a boring 9 to 5 job. I don’t know if that’s really true, but it certainly is in my case. I’ve just filled in my tax return for 2014-2015. I used to have to do one when I had a “proper” job and the inland revenue have never stopped asking – god knows why – I can imagine them all having a really good laugh at the £15 total income after deductions!! 2015-2016 is looking a bit better – currently stands at just under £300. I sometimes wonder if you can get into trouble for paying yourself below the minimum wage. Let’s hope not!! Luckily I haven’t been making for so very long and I am still loving sewing and creating. I hope you get back there soon – not least because I absolutely love your stuff.
Ah, that sounds familiar! So much effort, for so little return eh?! When the effort is fun it’s fine, because life is about the journey not just the destination, right? But once the journey starts to feel like a slog…. well, you end up where I am now!
Hi ya modflowers,
I am not in the vintage craft world as you know, but 20 years freelancing in web leaves me feeling not dissimilar. The only things that save me are family and friends. Sometimes I just take time when I feel that there is no point, especially when the next job on the table will break even at best, and I hear that so and so has just delivered a rubbish product for five times what I charge. Put the prices up? Ration the work? All of this just turns my passionate business into a hobby. What I do is not a hobby in any shape of form. I found years ago that what is saving me is getting out and about. Meeting people in real life. Staying away from developers who big up (lie) about their successes, meet people who have the will and the means to commission. I know it’s a bit different in your field but the principal, or at least elements of it, must stay true. What you do is awesome, both the making and the reporting. Monetarisation will come when you meet people with money. For me in my business there is no better kick than delivering a project well that meets the need and getting paid for it. Sorry modflowers, I am rambling a bit. Don’t feel alone, every creative I know, and I know a lot of ’em, feels like this most of the time. BUT it isn’t always like this.
Thanks Alan. I think the feeling is very common around now – I’ve had messages from lots of other people in various fields who are having the same issues and this blog post seems to have hit a nerve for many, the response to it has been amazing. You’re right that meeting people with the will and means to commission is half the battle – finding your market is about so much more than just “putting yourself out there”, it’s about making the right connections with the right people. That’s as big a battle as maintaining the creative mojo.
I think you’re just suffering from January blues but if not…Have you thought of joining a sewing circle/stitch & bitch group for a bit of company? Making your own things at home can feel a bit isolated. Or better still – run your own sewing workshop! People would pay good money to make one of your dolls…
I’ve always thought your photographs were gorgeous. How about a photography course just for fun???
I think to make a decent living you’d need to churn out much more & that would take the fun out of the making & wouldn’t make your products as special!
Best advice – ignore Facebook! The grass always looks greener but it rarely is.
H x
Hi, I just saw your post on instagram and moved on over to check out your blog. I’m so sorry you feel this way, your designs are amazing and I think I commented on one of your photos a couple of weeks ago when I found you on instagram to tell you so (I’m newish to instagram). I think just sometimes you need a break to gather your thoughts and reflect on the amazing work you have done and what it is you want to do. After I graduated from uni (Textiles) in 2003 I set up a small business Melissa Jayne Bears, hand crafting mohair teddy bears and their clothes, selling online and also at trade fairs over the UK with not so much profit after all the work I put into it. After two or three years I felt similar as you do now and I ended up taking a whole 10 years (a bit too long 😉 ) out of sewing and crafting while I worked elsewhere, had my four lovely children and generally collected a whole stash of inspirational vintage fabrics and kitsch items :). Now I’m back to it and can’t believe how much I missed it with new ideas and more enthusiasm than ever to make and create. Well I love your designs anyway and look forward to following you on what ever path you take with your work xx Melissa Jayne
You are a very talented artistic person. Artistic people tend to get this way sometimes ( I know because I am also one). I guess everyone does to some degree. There are different aspects to our moods. The most powerful controller of our moods comes from our spirit. There really are good and evil spirits… Angels and demons. We hav authority over demons & have angels watching over us by the blood of Jesus & through His Holy Spirit. When I feel this depression starting to creep over me I start reading my bible & claim all the promises God has for me…He has good things planned for me, for a future and a hope & not for evil. He has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. He withholds no good thing from us. An excellent book to read also is “one thousand gifts” by Ann Voskamp. A profound book! I know it’s not “cool” right now to talk about “religion” & I’m sorry if I’ve offended you but I know what Jesus has done in my life ( would take me all day to write it all!). Outside of spiritual matters, sometimes it helps to get away & travel to a place you’ve never been, a new perspective, new scenery, maybe even a mission trip.
I so admire your work! I pray God blesses you abundantly! Anita
Hi there. I second Helen D’s thoughts on teaching. I have seen that that the people who seem very successful with gazillions of followers / sales, etc. seem to be those who hold workshops or follow-a-longs online, you know? People will love your dolls, I think (and buy them) because they love You. Having been a small business owner as a self-employed acupuncturist for 18 years, I know this to be true. Putting needles in fabric and putting needles in people may seem like a big difference, but it’s really not. I found myself nodding in recognition at nearly everything you wrote. Please do not beat yourself up over this. Been there, done that, didn’t help. Maybe open yourself to the possibility that something wants to change. Some gentle meditation. In the Chinese calendar, Spring begins the first week of February. That’s when the upward rising begins. Right now it’s still dozing in the bulb in the dark womb of the earth quietly gathering creative energy. The process Is happening in you. It happenes in everyone. It’s the way of nature. Rest, friend. It’s still winter. Rest.
Hi Modflowers! I don’t have any wonderful knowledge to share that will make you feel better. Wish I did. I just know that I have come to love and admire you for who you are…and I believe in you. Sending EXTRA HUGS!!
Yup, well that’s January for you. At least some it near.y over. No advice just sending a hug saying I know how you feel.
I saw your Instagram post and had respond and add my support. Your dolls are so adorable and fun colored – the world would be a sadder place without your contribution. As a doll artist “of a certain age” I can relate to your ups and downs, both business and hormonal 🙂 Selling dolls is both fun and exhilarating (getting paid to make something charming) and a source of stress (dependent upon our making lots of things in advance of sales in the hopes that someone will buy them). I think that selling art is always a combination of this yin/yang energy and most of the time I am fine with that. I am always happy when my toys sell to enthusiastic buyers. My husband is the 9-5 earner around here and while he’d love for me to contribute more he understands that I am not a doll factory. As some of your readers have responded, its hard enough continually producing new stuff without thinking we must compete at China’s production level. Comparing our business with successful artists eventually breeds unhappiness, no matter how irresistible it feels in the moment. I hope your feeling of “what’s the use” is just a bad case of winter blues because your work is awesome! Perhaps switching to another sewing task (pretty aprons?) for a while, or sketching or just going out to soak up inspiration at museums and coffee houses is in order. And if you ever want to swap with me, I would love to trade you one of my handmade dolls for one of your beauties. xoxo
Thanks Sharon. If I ever get enough spare ones made to do a swap I will be in touch! x
I would purchase one of your dolls but you don’t ship to the USA. But swapping a doll of mine for one of yours (any of them, they’re so cute!) would also be sweet.
Hi, I love reading your blog. Your writing, the lovely colors and fabrics all inspire me. Thank you. I’ve also felt as you do right now and I don’t know the answer either! Tax season makes me miserable as I look at my numbers and think about all that hard work….. And then I think about my lovely customers, online and at craft shows and I have to remind myself that these people love my things enough to spend hard earned money on them and then message me or tell me about how much they enjoy using them or stories about the people they’ve gifted them too. This is an artist’s life I think.
I’m so there with you sister! Only I think my malaise has gone on longer than Christmas. Sending you sparks and moonbeans of good wishes to find that muse and tell her to kindly sit still. 🙂
I hope you find your spark again soon Sue. Lets hope Spring brings our muses flitting back to us in a pool of sunshine.
Hi Modflowers,
Yours is the one FB page I look forward to coming up each day! I think we all think someone else work is cleverer, prettier, smarter. If you like what you make it does seem like a personal insult when no one else seems to feel the same and you do wonder why you spend hours creating items for your own amusement? I work full time so my “business” is part hobby. I did consider that it might be a job that would follow me onto retirement in a few years time but I think the reality is it won’t.
I think you just have to take time to do the things that make you happy and I think like me that will always include making something even if it means you have several suitcases full of bits and pieces. I have enough gifts to give as presents for years and years.
Maybe do something different for a while and just make your beautiful pieces because you enjoy the craft.
Thanks Jane. Yes, I do think that lots of makers’ work is better than mine, but I don’t mind that. People with such talent deserve to make a good living at what they do. And I know I can always improve. I don’t like to directly criticise other makers’ work, we all have to start somewhere and we all get better as we go along, but I do find it annoying to see badly-made, ugly and shoddy “handmade” stuff selling, when mine doesn’t. And frankly there has been quite a lot of that on show in the Etsy Resolution facebook group I joined. So I’ve decided not to look at it any more.
There are reasons my work doesn’t sell, I know – I’m a bit niche and don’t expect all and sundry to like what I do by any means. But I think putting bad work up for sale just cheapens the whole handmade idea and risks taking it back to what “homemade” used to mean to many a few years ago – something to be avoided as shoddy rubbish.
Hope i don’t offend, but have you had an annual health check? Sometimes it can be hormonal, or lacking some essential mineral that can leave you feeling flat. They say to eliminate step by step.
Firstly I want to say a huge thank you for writing such an honest post.
There are so many things on the Internet that can make us everyday makers feel inferior, as though we should be doing more/ selling more/ being generally more brilliant.
I often beat myself up about this but we have a great community here.
You are such an inspiration to me, I really mean that.
Wish I could knock on your door to give you a really big hug, so I’ll send you a virtual one now……….xxx
Big cyber hugs MF! Wimcee’s Whims used to be a painter of portraits and other things in oils and pastels, something I have barely even considered tackling in the past 10 years. I have yet to find anyone who understands why I find painting too depressing – I certainly don’t understand it – so now I sew: fabric is my medium. And my partner and family let me do it, even help me do it, although nobody can understand why I’m not painting instead. That doesn’t help you I know, but your work has always sung to me, resonates with me, puts a smile on the dial, so please know that it’s real and special to many of us!
Thanks Steph. The support I’ve received from people has been fantastic. To know that people like what I do is great. I’ve just got to persuade more of them to buy the things I make now!
You have wrote my exact thoughts and feelings I discussed with a friend only on Thursday . I too am feeling a little lost and not sure where else to go or if I have the enthusiasm to do it . I’m nearly sold out of my stock and I’m at that point where do I even bother replacing it the hassle it takes to do what I’m doing and I’ve just wrote and featured in a magazine I now wonder what is next as I don’t see where I can go from here .
I hope you manage to work out a way forward Victoria. I’m not really in a position to advise, but one thing I would say is that discussing it with a friend, or lots of friends, is a good first step.
Hugs. Hope energy and direction come your way soon. XXX
I somehow missed this with my nose to the grindstone of getting a big job finished, or I’d have jumped straight in and *begged* you not to stop doing what you do. I would be so sad not to read your beautiful blogs, or see your wonderfully creative and imaginative creatures. I think if the belief in dozens of other people in your ability, skill, imagination and fresh and quirky creativity counts for anything, all you have to worry about is just getting started. Seriously, can we all be wrong? Stop measuring yourself against other people. You are unique, and we love you.
Ahh, thank you Kate!
I am not so much measuring myself against other people, it’s more that I’m finding it hard to keep motivated to make things when I’m not really able to sell them.
People do like what I do, that’s clear from the past few days if not before, but alas likes and followers do not mean an income. We are not yet so desperate that I have to start job-hunting immediately, but I am acutely aware that I was given a wonderful opportunity to pursue my own dreams and pleasures for a few years but thus far I have been unable to make that existence sustainable in the longer term. And if it’s not sustainable, I have no idea what to do next, but I know I need to plan something rather than get forced into spending my days doing something I really hate again.
Hi Sharon. Very late catching up with my blog posts, so only just seen this. Just wanted to say that I relate very much to what you say. I think it’s incredibly hard to make a living from handmade stuff. I need to constantly remind myself that I’m only ever looking at highlight reels when I see other sellers seemingly doing so well (there’s always lots we don’t know). I’m also trying to make a living from selling my work (whilst my partner supports us) – trying to find something that will fit in with my chronic fatigue and all over the place energy levels. But I fear I may have to return to some mundane job if I actually want to see some income….. I still have hopes I can make it work. I want to learn some new things and experiment a bit… I do think it really helps to meet others in a similar situation to talk about it – are there any other Etsy sellers/small business owners near you? I also wonder if some kind of collaboration with another maker/business/blogger might help spark something/push new traffic your way? No real answers, but just want to say I understand. And most importantly that I think your work is bloody fantastic! And it never feels like you are doing much marketing/promoting yourself (I find that so hard!). xxx
Thanks Zoe – and good luck with your endeavours too. perhaps we should think of some mutually beneficial collaborative project?