I would not describe myself as a destructive person. More the opposite: I like to build, rather than destroy.
But I notice that in certain respects I seem to have a tendency towards self-sabotage.
Specifically, at the moment, my Etsy shop.
I have been intending to re-stock it with some recent makes for ages. I have made a to do list and put it at the top. I have drawn up a timetable and scheduled it in. The days have come and gone. Twice.
And it still hasn’t happened.
I’ve blamed the weather (“it’s too dark to take photos!”). I’ve blamed being too busy (“I must get things made for my stalls first!”).
I’ve put it off and put it off and now I am squirming thinking about how I should be doing it – but yet I’m still not doing it.
Why?
I’m not sure… I think I’m scared of something. I’m not quite sure what.
Perhaps I’m scared of running about feeling stressed about fulfilling orders, rather than having time to myself, time to potter, time to dream…?
I think that I’m quite possibly scared of success.
And failure.
But more than that, I think I’m scared of rejection. Too much of a perfectionist, it leads me to see the faults in my work, rather than the achievements. I am not good at putting my imperfect things out there into the world and asking for money for them.
It’s fine on my blog, because my blog is not a shop. It’s just a place where I witter on, and occasionally am pleasantly surprised that people like and respond to my witterings.
I know that if I want to be able to go on doing what I am doing I need to make some money doing it.
But I don’t feel very good at it.
And when something tries to persuade me that I am, paralysis or self-sabotage kicks in.
So by long-winded way of apology, I promise that I will get round to stocking up my shop.
Eventually. ♥
I feel the same sometimes (often!) It’s also about finding time to do things, so much is on our to do lists now it’s impossible to do it all instantly, but somehow it gets done eventually. I also find that running a business on you own is part of it, you have to have confidence in your ideas and that’s hard, mistakes are made but that’s all part of the process. I have my daughter behind me whose favourite phrase is ‘do it mum’ so I do it (eventually!)
You are right about running a business on your own Virginia. I wish I had a mentor to bounce ideas off and tell me what I should be doing sometimes!
You are not alone – it has taken me two months to get my recent additions into my Folksy shop – and I still have some more to add. I recognise all of your doubts and fears, I don’t have any solutions, except to say that in the context of the doubts and fears, when we DO take a step forward, it is worthy of celebration. I love your work, and often feel inspired by your output and by your commitment to your blog! Cheering you on! 🙂
Thanks Hilary! It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one, it helps assuage the guilt a bit! Thank you for the kind words… I find that the discipline of producing a daily blog post, no matter what, helps with imposing some structure on the chaos! Sometimes I find it a bit scary to be solely responsible for planning my time. It’s not like having a job where the tasks are imposed from outside (which has it’s own, very different challenges!).
“She believed she could, so she did”, a print my little girl has in her room. I hope I help her to follow it. Self-belief is the hardest thing to muster. Your makes are beautiful, original and inspiring. Your words are always a welcome read. Take care 🙂
Thank you! x
Yup! I just had someone ask how to find me :-/ I have so many great new items but haven’t put them up yet. Adding to etsy makes me want to scratch my eyes out. Promoting is a whole other story. We can do it!! Us ladies need to stick together and support each other 😀
So true! A bit of moral support really does help!
I totally identify with your thoughts on this. Did you see Imagine this week. Excellent programme about ceramicist Edmund De Waal. He was opening a large exhibition in New York and was worried ….Will people like it?…..will anything sell ? He went on to say “none of these things were a tragedy if they should happen. The tragedy would be if the work never left the studio”. I found this spoke to me and will keep it in mind whenever my doubts creep in…..I hope !!!……
Might have to look up that programme on i-player – sounds like just what I need!
Oh we ARE birds of a feather! Only you keep at the blogging so beautifully. I think of posts and don’t write them. Got tons of things to put on the shop…maybe today. Sending love to you across the sea.
Thanks Sue – returning the love to you x
I’m sure you will. It’s funny how it works out. Just when i think okay I’m going to go for it I end up putting everything on the back burner and making other things more important. Which I guess as a Mum they are. But it’s funny when it’s just at that point. It’s as though we have to believe we deserve to have that successful etsy shop too, oh and practice good enough as well! good luck, your stuffs great, just keep knocking it out! Heather x
Hmmm . . . I’m surprised that you have that self- doubt–you’ve been successful on Etsy, right? Why is it more important/less scary to work on items for you stalls than it is for Etsy? Or maybe more basic, if you’re not enjoying Etsy, do you need to do it at all? I spend a lot of time trying to figure out a balance, too, so I ask myself these kinds of questions . . .
I feel like that most of the time. Always thinking everyone’s shop is better than mine, that what I’m selling isn’t good enough and I am only ‘playing’ at it. And if someone does buy something, I am so surprised when they send feedback and love it!! You make lovely things and I wear my Modflowers badges with pride.
Oh my goodness, you mustn’t have any self-doubts – your work is utterly fabulous! When I see photos of all your lovely stalls, I wish I lived closer so I could visit – Etsy is a way of sharing that loveliness with us all 🙂 Fear can be so paralysing – it kept me stuck for so very long and I’m so happy to have made a positive decision in the right direction. Now there is action instead of inaction. Fear not – I adore your work!
Oh my goodness! I totally relate to your post today. I can spend hours literally day dreaming when I should be making … and think it’s fear of success, or like you say – rejection.
You’re not alone! x
Oh you sweet thing. First off, you sound just like me. I’ve been meaning to get my etsy shop up and running for years. I’m both highly motivated and completely unmotivated. I don’t understand it, and I’m afraid it’s the case for my life in general. But I know, first hand, that your work is *wonderful* both in style and craftsmanship, so please don’t worry about any of that…
Thank you Erica, you leave the loveliest comments!
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